Hello friends! It was been wayyyy too long since I last posted out here. My real life has been busy with working all of those extra side jobs and shifts to compensate for the loss of my eBay coupon sales thanks for the CIC, but that's for another post. Today's fun is a much more recent development - which is the near collapse of the Breakfast Menu at Burger King.
For years and years, Burger King has had a reasonably priced breakfast offering, offering pretty much the same consistent menu over the course of those years. Your standard Crossandwiches and French Toast Sticks, etc, have been a staple for more than a decade now (can you believe it's been that long?)
But over the past few years, they have begun to lose their breakfast customer base at an alarming rate. Most days, if you wish to take the chance on actually eating it, you can pull right up to the drive thru at breakfast time and well, have it your way with no wait. Now mind you, we are in a market that doesn't have a Panera or a Chiptole or anything that resembles a real donut shop or bagel place either. So you can throw those excuses you see plastered all over Forbes and every other parrot-financial-wizard-millennial website you find in your easy Google search right out the window. Nope, out here you basically have the Big Three when it comes to quick and easy breakfast - McDonald's, Taco Bell and Burger King.
This is not just another typical "fast food sucks" post. No, we take a little deeper look at why it seems Burger King simply can't give away their breakfast anymore. These are the basic two reasons why Burger King's breakfast simply sucks, no matter what the price:
1. The Egg.
This is the master culprit of the entire Burger King breakfast menu. Their Egg. It definitely has a unique flavor, that's for sure. But what's strange about the Burger King Egg is that it is the most consistently uniform creation of an egg I can honestly say I have ever seen. It is the same in Georgia as it is in Texas as it is in New York and New Jersey. It is the same in Las Vegas. As I am typing this I do realize the fact that I know this from first hand experience is a tad troubling, but it is what it is. No judgement here. It has the same form, the same flavor and well, the save level of grease in every location (look at the top and that sticking action!):
The tastes of most people have changed over the past 10-20 years dramatically. So fake food has gone the way of the every corner on the corner all you can eat Buffetts that were all the rage toward the end of the 1980's and 1990s'. And the worst part about the Burger King Egg is that it tastes fake !!
Combined that god-awful taste with the fact that whoever is preparing these lovely creatures cannot seem to ever get it right, as it is usually greasy and burnt at the same time !!
Now that is some kind of special trickery in order to consistently pull that off across an entire world wide chain. Making the same quality of burnt, greasy fake eggs. Hat's off to you Creepy King.
The problem with the egg on the Crossanwiches (which are always advertised now as 2 for $4 at best and we have even gotten some locations pricing them 2 for $3 and even offering coupons for the low, low price of $1.49 each) is the the grease infests the actual bread. It saturates it. It makes it break apart. The egg is actually greasier than the sausage ffs!!
If you eat this more than 2 or 3 times, you eventually figure out that this is what is causing your stomach to hurt an hour later and mucking up your fingers. It's the egg grease seeping through the bread portion of your sandwich and making you feel like a disgusting pig.
We tried to take The Egg off of one once and did you know the grease still penetrated through the bread and left a weird aftertaste on the sausage?!!? That's really hard to do. We ordered one another time with no egg and funny. The Crossain-part of the sandwich was dry, flaky and normal. It almost tasted like a breakfast sandwich and not a grease rocket.
The solution to this is simple, Burger King - please start using real eggs or at least change the egg itself you are using. I bet there are thousands of ex-breakfast customers like myself who would welcome something like that and actually try it. Until that day comes, count me out, I don't care how mucho-enormous your fake egg grease bomb is or if it is $1. I still wouldn't eat it. And I am cheaper than cheap. I get Burger King coupons in my box monthly and I have been throwing them in the trash. Why? Because your breakfast is simply inedible as long as your worldwide consistent prefab egg is lurking near it.
2. Trying to make The Egg into something else and failing miserably.
Let's chop up The Egg (or not) slap it in a tortilla shell , cut a piece of sausage in half (?), dump a piece of cheese on it and call it a Burrito!!
No sir. No effing sir.
This is one of the worst abominations of a burrito I have ever seen in my lifetime. I am not exactly a world renowned chef but even I can make a breakfast burrito with more creativity than this:
It's literally a cut up (or not depending on how lazy the staff is in your location) fake greasy egg bomb with a piece of breakfast sausage cut in half with some cheese that is semi melted all wrapped up nice and cozy in a lukewarm tortilla. All for $1 or more !!!
I tried this two times. Both times I was amazed at just how fast The Egg grease (again!) was running down my arm as I tried to consume this. The second time I didn't even eat the whole thing - I gave it to a stray dog who probably needed it more than I did. That was the end of my breakfast time at Burger King and I haven't eaten there since.
Their breakfast does have a few things going for it. Their breakfast hashbrown-tot things are better than any other fast food place. And their muffins (if you still can find a location that actually carries muffins, mine stopped a year ago) aren't half bad. The ham, bacon and sausage itself is on par with everything else. I haven't eaten their pancakes but they look just as microwaved as McDonald's are now (so sad) so that's probably similar.Overprice Cinnabon is what you would expect it to be, but even those by the time you get them can be mysteriously mushy.
So if you are wondering why your Burger King location no longer serves breakfast to 11:00AM, never seems to have a line in the drive through before 10:30AM, has discontinued many breakfast items on their menu, now serves Whoppers for breakfast, or why you get so many coupons, signs and commercials basically begging you to eat The Egg - the reasons above are probably why.
That and the fact The Egg at Burger King infests every aspect of their breakfast menu - and they are just not smart enough to bring their breakfast out of the frozen prefab Chinese imported grease pit and into the 21st Century.
